Poor Girl…Just Like Me: Lies they Told me as a Single Christian Girl (Part 1)

Dwania Duhaney-Millen

Hey girl! How have you been? I hope that you’re in a good place spiritually, emotionally, mentally and…well…in all the “allies” of life as we approach the end of another year. I just wanted to continue our conversation. This week, as I studied the poem “Poor Girl” by Maya Angelou with two of my students (shoutout to Tasheena and Aayana!), I was reminded of my own time as a single girl, and I thought about you and the crazy things you might be going through right now on your own journey. Here is lie number 1.

Lie #1: “You Need to Get Out More!”

Let me reintroduce myself to you, if you don’t really know me from reading my posts on this blog. I am Dwania. I am and have always been friendly, outgoing, introspective, kind, and I love Jesus. I got saved at the age of 14, and I have been walking with the Lord since then. I love to get involved in everything positive, as long as I can contribute my talents and skills, so as a Christian girl, I joined the church choir and the youth choir, went to church camp, church youth conferences, church this and church that (haha); I served as Youth Zone Leader, National Director and other things; as a teacher, I went to whatever professional or fun activities were happening. I was always outgoing and extroverted to an extent, but somehow, there were people who thought the biggest problem of my life that caused me to remain single was that I needed to “get out” more. 

Too Hidden 

It wasn’t until one day while we were having a conversation that my friends made it clear to me what the matter was: I needed to get out to Appleton Jamaica Rum Fest. Apparently, I was “getting out” too much in the wrong places. I was hidden away at church and not being seen enough by men who would approach me. To “get out” therefore meant to make myself obvious as a single woman by going to places where men could “see me”. Before you clutch your pearls, let me admit that with my lack of wisdom at the time, I really started to contemplate if they were correct in this assertion– I was too hidden, I was locked away from men, I was hidden under the steeple of the church doomed to be single while gazillions of approachable and bold men were in the beach parties waiting to give me attention and rescue me from my singleness. I needed to put on a bikini and wallow in the foam! One night, my parents sternly ordered me back to bed when I decided I was going to go with my ‘bredrins” (friends) to Club Jamaica Jamaica to see what the scene was like. I was so nervous because I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Poor girl. 

My Aha Moment

In retrospect, I can say the Holy Spirit guided me away from believing this lie with one question that kept popping into my mind: “Would a man at a beach party share the same values that you have, like…loving Jesus?” Listen, sister girl, I know the question sounds simple to us now, but would he really love Jesus like you do? Would he be willing to fast and pray with you? Would he love scripture and get excited about devotion? Would he even want to go to church with you? The question sent me down the rabbit hole. God made me question the quality of man I would find on the club scene where I was to be seen, zeen? It made me realize that singleness was better than ending up in an ungodly relationship that would pull me away from Him in the long run. It’s like 2 Corinthians 6:14 asks “For what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what communion hath Christ with Belial? Or what portion hath the believer with the unbeliever?” I knew then that taking the advice of “getting out” by entering these ungodly spaces to get attention would ultimately ruin my relationship with God…and ruin my life, because, quite frankly, my life never made sense without Jesus anyway. 

Being Seen on the Right Scene

I am married today, and my husband is awesome. Quite surprisingly to both of us, we had met years before and were singing in the youth choir when we met, but we were never friends. My husband was there all along! I never had to leave the church to be seen; I was seen by the right set of eyes all in God’s perfect timing. So hey girl, let me encourage you today today today, you will be seen by the right eyes if you stay on the right scene. Do not stop being faithful to the Lord; do not let the enemy distract you and lie to you. Keep on serving the Lord, and in his perfect timing, He will bless you. Trust Him, girl. He is good!

Watch this space so I can tell you about another lie they told me. It’s about to get juicy over here. LOL See you next time! Bye!