Good man versus Godly Man: 6 Basic Things Every Woman Must Know! 

by Dwania Duhaney-Millen

Hey Sis!

Let’s talk. He looks so good, right? He has a couple degrees to his name and drives a nice car. He smells good, has a lovely smile. He is a good man, you say, and he even goes to church, but hold up for a second! Let me let you in on something I learnt some time ago: Good is sometimes the enemy of great, and sometimes our idea of good is the enemy of God. Our standard of “good” can cause us to miss out on the great things that God has planned for us. We therefore willingly accept the bare minimum thinking that that is an acceptable standard to God when, honestly, what we want doesn’t even scratch the surface of what God has prepared for us. Our idea of the ideal job, for example, could never bring us the level of joy and satisfaction that walking in our purpose could. Similarly, with a relationship, our idea of “a good man” equates to one that is good on paper but who perhaps does not meet the standards that God has laid out and who, in God’s eyes, is not the best person for you. He can be “a good man”, but he is not God’s man for you.

“He may be a “good man”, but he is not God’s man for you.”- Dwania

This good man of yours might not be the great man God has for you. While there are a few more,  here are 6 traits of a godly man that every Christian woman should know.

1. A good man does good things; a Godly man does Godly things.

But wait! I thought all good things were godly things! That is a common misconception. What is “good” is heavily dependent on the motive of the heart. Proverbs 16:2 states that “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight but the Lord weighs the motives.” Buying a house might be a good thing to you, but if you bought it just to show your friends that you can afford a bigger house than them, the motive is wrong and so the action is good but tainted with an ungodly motive. Climbing the corporate ladder can be a good thing, but if you climb it by sleeping around, then it becomes sinful. Travelling to a new country might be a good thing but if you do it regardless of the fact that you know God has placed a vision on your heart for your current location, it becomes disobedience, and this is sin. Note too that an action can be good to you and sin to God. For David, putting Uriah at the frontline of the war, so that he could get away with sleeping with Uriah’s wife seemed like a good idea at the time to King David, but it certainly grieved God. Our definition of “good” can be misleading. Godly people aren’t just good people; they seek to please God. For them, it is more than just what’s good. They ask first of all “Will this please God?” A Godly man therefore puts God’s agenda above his own, even when his ideas are good.

A godly man puts God’s agenda above his own.

Chasing after goals is great for a godly man, but he tries to ensure that he gets God’s take on the ideas in his heart so He can know how to lead himself and his family. It may be good to him, but He knows pleasing God is the ultimate good. 

2. A good man has a “positive mindset”; a godly man obeys God’s Word. 

There is so much going on in the world today to cause discouragement and fear. People are searching for answers and solutions to their problems. There are many sources of answers and many writers of books that claim to present such answers encouraging people to think positively. In essence, there is the encouragement to think your way out of your circumstance and the power of the mind is elevated above the power of God and his word. There is not doubt that a positive mindset is a good thing, and in Philippians 4:8 encourages us to think on things that are pure, honest, lovely and of good repot. Yet, even greater than a positive mindset is the totality of God’s holy word. There are many guiding platitudes, ideas and opinions but a godly man puts the most emphasis on reading, meditating on and studying the Word of God so that he can live out its principles in his everyday life and relationships. A man cannot be godly if he does not spend time filling his heart with God’s Word. He must read, study and live by his Bible, because it is the pathway to purity (Psalm 119:9).

3. A good man may prey on you; a godly man prays for you. 

In the pursuit stage of a relationship, it is easy to get caught up in the chase. The late night conversations, the jokes and the compliments are nice, but does he pray? Can he pray, and what is his attitude to prayer? This is important because godly people pray. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 encourages us as Christians to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” It is God’s will that we pray. A godly man is therefore more than a talker; a godly man understands his need for direction and answers from the One true Source who is his Heavenly Father. He draws his strength from a source that is greater than himself, so he is godly because he turns to God for answers, rebuke, direction, wisdom, courage, peace and love. A man who does not pray is a man who will stray and no amount of positive thinking can cure the problem of sin that plagues our lives. He must have an attitude towards prayer that demonstrates to you that He needs God’s presence and input, because he does not have all the answers. If the pursuit of your heart is pure pressure and no prayer, that is not a godly man, and that spells danger for your future relationship.

4. A good man trusts in his material possessions; a Godly Man puts his faith in God. 

It is good for a man to try to earn as much as he can for himself and his family, but where does his faith lie ultimately? Many people treat money like their god, but they are quick to find that money fails in some of the most critical points in life. A good man might seek to build material wealth, so he works really hard to have the best things in life and to give his family the finest possessions; however, he does not have a firm moral grounding nor does he place his faith in God. Money and material gain is his strong city (Proverbs 18:11), but it will not be a refuge against some of the harshest seasons of life. For a godly man, his faith, despite all he owns or earns rests in God, and he bases all his life and puts his trust in Jesus Christ. One of my favourite verses is Hebrews 11:6 which states: “And without faith it is impossible to please God”. To overcome the lusts and temptation of this world, it requires absolute faith in God, and a man must have that to be a godly man. 1 John 5:5 asks us the question: “Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” He may be good, but in whom or what does he put his faith?

5. A good man is good by your standards; a Godly man bears the fruits of the Spirit. 

For God, the ultimate character test is not in the clothes he wears nor the career a man has, but God’s prescription for godliness is found in Galatians 5. Every Christian can know a person who is a child of God by ticking off this list of traits in Galatians 5:22-23. Therefore, a good man might look great and have a great job, but he lacks self control in some areas of his life, is angry, impatient and mean. You know therefore that this man is not bearing the fruits of the spirit, and you can judge that by his actions. You might write it off as “moodiness”, but really it comes down to ungodliness (1 John 3:9-10). This is not something for you to ignore. You should be able to identify the fruits of the spirit being manifested through the actions of a godly man. He should be making efforts to grow in these areas of his character and should be paying attention to these attitudes. 

6. For a good man, you are number 1; for a Godly man, God is number 1. 

This might sting, but it is certainly true. I know you want to be the number 1 person in his life but for a godly man, you are second or third in line because God is ahead of everybody else. Whether he puts you before himself or after is another matter, but it takes God to be godly, so his devotion, adoration and worship will be directed towards God, not you. If he worships and adores you, remove yourself because that simply means you have become his idol. Exodus 20:3 instructs: “You shall have no other gods before me.” That includes you, boo. Affection and attention are essential in a relationship and are measured through spending time and having certain interactions, but if his time and interactions with you begin to outweigh that of his devotion, reading of the Word and worship, this is a problem. It means you are in the way.

These are just six traits, but I hope this list will help you to come to an understanding of what you are looking for. These are 6 essential qualities that you must look out and listen for while you are in the dating world. In the meantime, check out this powerful devotional by Deon O. Thomas entitled 21 Days To Choosing MR. Right: 7 Biblical Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before Entering a Relationship (21 Days Series).

I hope I will see you in October when I will share with you God’s heart for you on another topic in this area of singleness.