The 4 Most Common Traps in Singleness and How to Escape Them!

by Dwania Duhaney-Millen

In the movie, In the Heart of the Sea, a writer listens as an old-time whale hunter tells him the story of his journey on the Essex- a whale hunting ship that was destroyed after one ill-fated attempt by second mate Chase (played by Chris Hemsworth) to catch a massive albino sperm whale. That sperm whale, after damaging the ship and almost killing all the crew, menacingly follows them as if to destroy all of them. It’s a really good movie, you should watch it sometime.

There were many interesting things about the movie, but I was particularly struck by the whale hunting technique employed by this rugged group of whale hunters. The ship would sail to a specific area where whales would gather. They would look for “white water” where whale pods would be diving and shooting water. Then they would board canoes and paddle among the whales and upon spotting a close enough target, the spearman would aim his spear and then throw it ensuring the spear stuck deeply. The spear would have a rope attached, and instinctively the whale would dive deeply all the while losing blood. The creature would dive and dive until its heart gave out and its body would pop up on the surface of the water. The crew would let out a cheer. This was a big catch! 

I couldn’t help but think how similarly whale hunting parallels the experiences of many Christian single women. There are four specific traps I’d like to point out that cause many Christian singles to become victims instead of victors in their single season.

Trap # 1: Not Knowing You are being hunted!

One of the biggest problems that many single Christian women face is not knowing this one fact: You’re a big catch! I mean it in the sense that you are like prey being hunted for the kill, and the enemy rejoices when you are caught. You are of great value to the Kingdom. I don’t want to give away too much of the movie (just in case you are going to watch it), but in the show the whales were being hunted because the hunters could fill barrels of oil to take back to Nantucket to sell. Oil at the time was used for generating light and power. The whales held a special commodity. Not to call you a whale, Sis, but so do you! You’re a big deal. You’re a big deal to God’s Kingdom but you’re also a big deal to the hunter.

You’re a big deal to God’s Kingdom, but you’re also a big deal to the hunter.

The truth is, you have one enemy and that is the devil and he is hunting you for the kill. 1 Peter 5:8 warns us: “ Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.” People who know they are being hunted are watchful, vigilant and careful, always keeping their eyes open to see by what strategy or through which personality the enemy might enter. Ignorance is not bliss, Sis. To not know this means you will easily allow yourself to fall into that trap hole of a relationship that the devil has set up for you because you will take it for granted that you are on the enemy’s hit-list. Be alert!

Trap #2: Being in the Wrong Pod

Hunters only go where the prey is easily accessible. It is normally an area crowded with whatever creature they wish to catch. Whether whale hunting or bird shooting, no hunter goes where it is sparse because, simply put, it is hard to catch what is hard to find. One of the reasons so many Christian women find themselves in traps of debilitating, stressful ungodly relationships is because they were easy to locate, easy to see, easy to shoot. If you want to be that girl who is easy to pick up, be among the idle women who are playing around with their Christin life. These women don’t take time to pray, to study the Word, don’t get involved in ministry and are not growing their relationship with the Lord. Many men want a typical “church girl”. I’ve heard it for myself that church girls are well behaved, docile, sweet women who will make good stay at home moms for the kids, who will never want to party and who will never cheat. Men like the virtuous qualities of the “church girls” because they are believed to be “tame”. Notice, this applies to church girls- women who go to church religiously but who do not have a deep relationship with God. Church girls and godly women are two different people. Godly  women are separate from the idle pod. They live out the command found in 2 Corinthians 6:17: “Therefore come out from among them and be ye separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” For them, it is not just about going to church; their life is about pleasing God, so they are attached to a focused body of believers. Hunters don’t get to hold conversations with those types of sisters because a godly woman can spot an imposter as soon as he opens his mouth. Godly women are serious, prayerful women who have set themselves apart for God. It is time to find yourself in the secret place so you can be hidden from the enemy. Quit being a church girl and become a godly woman!

Trap # 3: Leaving Yourself Open

I watched as second mate Chase stood at the bow of the boat waiting for the whale to come swimming to the surface and then wham! As soon as he saw a good spot, he jammed the spear into the whale’s back. A vulnerable spot is a good spot for a spear. All of us as people have areas of vulnerability. These are insecurities, secrets, weaknesses that we carry with us everyday. The enemy uses those against us when he wants access to us. In a moment of loneliness, here comes, for example, someone who is just too good to be true who promises to be there forever. In a moment of fear, here comes someone who promises to protect you. In a moment of need, here comes someone who promises to supply all you need or you have a dark secret, and here comes a man who just embraces those kinds of things. He “gets it.”. These promises are hooks(spears) to grip you for the catch particularly because nobody is supposed to take the place of God in your life. All your vulnerabilities are to be given to God so that He can heal you and deliver you from the consequences of holding on to them. In that way, you learn to submit your desires to God so that the enemy cannot trick you in that area. Let God rescue you. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are told to “Cast all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.” Those anxieties are your vulnerabilities and insecurities. You cast them upon Him by praying about them and trusting Him to heal them, so evaluate your life to see what your areas of vulnerability are and give them to God. Don’t let the enemy trick you with a man who promises to do God’s job. Man fails; God doesn’t. 

Don’t let the enemy trick you with a man who promises to do God’s job. Man fails; God doesn’t. 

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Trap # 4: Diving with the Spear

When the first whale had the spear tossed into him, he trashed wildly about and then swam deeper and deeper into the ocean while blood oozed from the wound. Pretty soon, he was floating to the surface, much to the joy of the hunters. The enemy’s number one goal for hooking you up with the wrong relationship is not to cause you stress and strain, it’s not to give you a headache and it’s not to disillusion you into thinking this is the joy of your life. The enemy’s number one goal for hooking you up to an ungodly relationship is to cause your spiritual death.

The enemy’s number one goal for hooking you up to an ungodly relationship is to cause your spiritual death.

If he can get you hooked up properly, he can cut you off from God’s Kingdom and destroy your destiny. Ultimately, he can redirect you away from God’s purpose for the Kingdom of God and have you living a blissfully ignorant or miserably ignorant life (depending on how it turns out for you). One definite trap in the single season is recognizing you’ve been hit (hooked) and still diving deeply anyway, i.e. deeper into the relationship. Some women suffer from the failure to recognize the wrong move while some suffer from the failure to say “No”. It works like this: Such a woman says, for example, “I recognize I am not in the relationship that God has for me, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I don’t want to be alone.” Then they go ahead and dive in all the way to marriage and before long they find their spiritual life suffering for it and eventually perhaps they find themselves disconnected from their relationship with their Heavenly Father. That is why God says to us in Acts 3:19 “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” The most logical thing to do if you find yourself hooked and hurting is to turn to God and ask for help and healing. The worst thing you can do is dive in when you know God wants to get the hook out. God has a time of refreshing for you, but it requires a willingness to let go of the relationship that is hurting you and hindering the growth of your relationship with Jesus. 

Prayer: Father, I realize you have good plans for me. I am not going the way that you want me to go. Please rescue me from this trap that I am in. You are a God of deliverances and salvation and to you belong escape from death. Remove everything and everyone out of my life that is not from You. Forgive me of all my sins. I believe you will save me. Thank you for your great love for me. Amen

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