Dear Single Sister: MY 29-YEAR JOURNEY OF SINGLENESS (PART 3)

Dwania Duhaney-Millen

I changed my mind.

When you get tired enough of doing the wrong thing and going the wrong way, you will do the right thing and change your mind! I did what any tired person would do and stopped right there and then. I was done!

When you get tired of doing the wrong thing and going the wrong way, you will do the right thing and change your mind.

Tweet

I literally changed my mind. It was as if I was on a journey going somewhere and I decided to change directions. I looked at the relationship I was in and decided right there on the spot I do not want this anymore, and I was done. It sounds too easy, right? That is what I did. I killed every thought in my heart, every desire, deleted every message and burned every bridge and everything attached to that relationship. Then, of course, I prayed and told God my decision. I told Him that I had changed my mind about the relationship, that I did not want it anymore, that I was only interested in Him and what He wanted for me. I repented of my disobedience and sins and laid my whole heart and life before him. I stuck my head in the Bible, pointed my eyes to heaven and never looked back in that direction.

I believed in my heart that God had a good plan for me, and that I was not going to experience it if I didn’t get myself out of this net. For the next couple days, I spent time in prayer, taking the time to consecrate myself, to renew my mind and refocus my senses. I made God my company and my best friend by reading the Word, listening to Him and learning to find joy in the relationship He and I shared. It might sound like a dramatic turn, but I did not give myself nor the enemy a chance because I focused my time and energy on God. The phone calls and texts did not disturb me either, because I was simply not interested. I had found a better kind of love, and I was at peace in my heart and mind. I loved where God and I were going.

Dating Jokers

I dated a few guys after that relationship. I was in my twenties, so I considered those few dating years to be the experimental years. I learnt quite a bit! I dated the mama’s boy, the pastor’s son, the musician, the liar, the scripture-quoter, the holy-roller and so on. Of course, my first situation had taught me enough about red flags to keep me on my toes. I was constantly being chased by some guy somewhere. One of my friends once commented that I never seemed to ever be single. Dating proved to be tiring and after the first ordeal all I wanted was Jesus, so those were all short-lived, and I was ruthless with my standards. I was only interested in who he wanted for me and since I realized I wasn’t going to find him by looking for him myself, I took my seat and decided to chill. My relationship with God had changed, so my prayer had changed radically. It was no longer about a tall, dark and handsome guy. It was more of:

“Lord Jesus, I only want what you want for me, and I know you only want what is best for my life. Nothing else will do, but Lord, I do not want an ugly man. Amen!”  I gave God my list and left it there. Thank God, He answers prayers!

I stopped dating completely at 25 years old. Being the bold person I am, I had developed the skill of casual talk. I would compliment a guy without expecting anything from them. I wasn’t looking for a friendship nor a relationship. You did not have to return a compliment, but this had started to open doors to more than what I had bargained for! It seemed that it might have gone to the heads of some of the guys who might not have ever received a compliment in their lives, and was now making me the target of their affections. Before long, the Holy Spirit started to convict me about this. He told me to stop it and gave me a lesson about waiting. He told me I was waiting casually, and that casual waiting leads to casual talk which leads to casual relationships.

Casual waiting leads to casual talk which leads to casual relationships.

Tweet

I had always been journaling. I started writing and keeping journals from an early age, and in those years of waiting, I journaled the entire time. I prayerfully wrote what the Lord would place on my heart in those times of questioning and seeking and learning from God about the world of dating. I decided to follow Jesus all the way, because one of my greatest fears was ending up in a relationship with someone who God did not want for me. I did not want to live a life of pain, and I wanted to experience everything that God desired for me and from my life. I had seen enough of what could happen when people disobey God and I knew that the wrong spouse could destroy your life or cause you to live a complacent life, so I waited…and trusted and stayed in peace. And then…

Ready for THE FINAL INSTALLATION IN OUR SERIES? Read Part 4 of My Singleness journey! Subscribers always get updates. Have you joined our community yet? We are waiting for you.