STOP! HERE ARE 5 QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO THIS RELATIONSHIP!

by Dwania Duhaney-Millen

Dear Single Sister, 

He has been whispering sweet nothings into your ear for a couple days now or even months. You have been talking on the phone and spending time together. You, he says, are his number one priority, and he might be taking you out and showing you off to his family and friends (if it has gotten that far). You are on top of the world, but you know something is wrong. You are worried about your relationship with God because this guy has not made Jesus Christ Lord of his life. You have divergent attitudes to the things of God. He wants to party, but you would rather stay away from the party scene. He wants to hang out, but you really want to hang up the phone since the talk of sex has entered the chat. You are a Christian, and he is not, and he says he loves you, but you just don’t know if this is  the relationship that God wants for you. You are nervous, worried, fearful, anxious and feeling pressured. God, what should I do? Before you say yes to this man, here are FIVE questions you must ask yourself.

Question #1: Who is building this house?

 “Except the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.” Psalm 127:1a.

If your relationship could be likened to a house, which would it be: a brick house or a straw house? What foundation has it been built on: The Rock or sand? Who is the builder: The Lord Jesus Christ or the devil? Many times people enter relationships with weak materials and the wrong contractor. As soon as the wind blows, it falls apart. Lionhearted love finds them tearing at each other, because the relationship was not built on godly principles but instead was built with straw such as good looks, fun times and lust. You might be building your relationship but God is not the builder. The Word of God says Jesus is the Rock. Ultimately, you want a long and lasting love, and to ensure this, Jesus Christ must be the center of the relationship. A house built on sand cannot last. When a relationship is built on God, it will stand through the storm and the tests that are to come. 

Question #2: Can he love me like Christ loves the church?

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25-27

Have you ever been to a wedding and seen the beautiful bride entering the temple? She has been well prepared and her gown is shimmering white. She is smiling and bursting with joy as she makes her way to her groom. He stands there in awe and probably teary eyed as she comes to him. His heart is racing too, and he bursts into a grin as she comes closer to him. In a moment of love and awe, they stare into each other’s eyes happy to be united at last. The Church (universal) is Jesus’ bride. (Rev. 19:7-9) At this wedding, Jesus is the bridegroom and the church is his bride. He has such great love for her! In Ephesians 5:25, the Apostle Paul admonishes men to love their wives as Christ loves the church! As you consider this relationship, this is one question to which you must be able to give a resounding and positive response! In order to know for sure, you must be able to answer in the affirmative, for a man who does not know God cannot know love, for God is love (1 John 4:8). If he is not a part of the church, he does not know Jesus because the church has a relationship with Jesus, so he must have one as well! How can he love you like Christ loves the church if he only stops by at Christmas time? 

Question #3: Which kingdom is he from?

“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his dear Son.” Colossians 1:13

I love films about royalty with knights and queens, kings and princes. I could spend a day just watching those movies. As kingdoms fight for territory and people, you begin to see the landscape change and the people come under new leadership and laws. As a Child of God, you are a citizen of The Kingdom of God. It behooves you to ask yourself which kingdom he is coming from. When we meet a person, it is naturally one of the first questions to ask. Where do you live? Where are you from? Geographical location can tell you a lot about a person. You will understand certain speech patterns, mannerisms and even attitudes because of their geographical background. Similarly, every person belongs to a spiritual Kingdom! Before you dive into this relationship, you must find out if you are from the same Kingdom, because it means that you have the same King! It might be romantic to think about love across Kingdoms; however, in this world, this can have devastating consequences. All it takes is a wrong relationship to destroy your life. If this guy is not a Christian, he is not from the Kingdom of light as you are.

Question #4: Do we agree?

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3

Time in the kitchen will show you what happens when water gets into hot oil. There is such a turbulent reaction that you, the cook, might even get burnt. Whether cold or hot, we know that oil and water do not mix. They do not go together. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, God speaks seriously to us: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do unrighteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” Those who are of the Kingdom of light and the Kingdom of Darkness do not mix. Even in nature, the darkness disappears when you flip the switch. There is no agreement between light and darkness, and 1 Thessalonians 5:5 tells you that you as a Child of God, are of the Kingdom of Light and the day! It is no wonder then that the Holy Spirit is convicting you of sin as you engage in the conversations and hang out with this new friend. Do not ignore the discomfort and discontentment you feel. It simply means there is no blending happening. Since you do not agree, it is best to flee. 

Question #5: Will my purity be at risk? 

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3 

In the world in which we live, purity seems to be  a bad word. It has connotations of boredom and emptiness. Unfortunately, it is a largely ignored part of people’s lives. Purity seems to be reserved for the holier-than-thou Christians, but purity is for everybody. In fact, while some say they do not know the will of God for their lives, but our key scripture from 1 Thessalonians 4:3 above makes it clear to us that God does not accept any excuses for sexual sin because He has made His will clear to us in this area. You know now that sexual purity is God’s will for you, so if this relationship will cause you to fall into the sin of sexual impurity, it is not from God and it is not His will for you! Ask yourself: Will I be able to remain pure? Protect your purity at all costs, and do not relinquish it for any relationship.

Prayer: 

Lord, I pray that you will give me a desire for your Word that overrides every other desire in my life. I pray that I will learn to enjoy your presence more than any other. Help me to discern right from wrong and to obey your instructions at all times, especially at this crucial time in my life. Keep me from temptation and from giving in to evil desires. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen!

Remember to subscribe to our blog, so you can learn more. Thank you for stopping by. I hope you found this helpful. See you in the next post! Love ya!

D.